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Divorced and Thriving: How to Break the Stigma Around Second Chances

  Let’s be honest; nobody walks down the aisle thinking they’ll one day be divorced. You plan the wedding, dream of forever, and hope love will always be enough. Unfortunately, it isn’t always so. And when it all falls apart, society often makes it worse. Especially here in Nigeria, where aunties at every family gathering suddenly become relationship counsellors, whispering things like, “What happened?” or “You’ll find someone soon, by God’s grace.” As if your worth expired with your marriage . Now, here’s the truth: divorce isn’t the end of your story. It’s a chapter; a painful one, yes, but also powerful. It can be the beginning of rediscovery, healing, and even thriving. So, let’s talk about breaking the stigma and embracing second chances in love, in life, and in yourself. 1. The Stigma Is Real, But It’s Also Outdated: In our culture, divorce is still whispered about like a scandal. People say “she’s divorced” in hushed tones, as if it’s a crime. Men face judgment too, t...
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Making Adult Friendships: Why It’s Hard and How to Try Anyway

 

African ladies hanging out

Let’s be real, making friends as an adult can feel like trying to find a seat in a crowded cafeteria where everyone already has their group.

Whether you’re navigating a new city, switching jobs, or just realizing your social circle has quietly shrunk over the years, you’re not alone. Many millennials are facing the same awkward, often uncomfortable truth: adult friendships are hard, but not impossible.


Why Is Making Friends as an Adult So Hard?


1. Time is tight: Between demanding work schedules, side hustles, commuting, relationships, and Netflix queues, who has time to “hang out sometime”? Unlike in secondary school or university where friendships formed organically through shared classes or dorm life, adult friendships require intentional effort, and time that many feel they don’t have.

African men hanging out


2. Social circles shrink: Life transitions like marriage, moving cities, or having children, naturally shift your priorities and often your friendships. You may drift from old friends and find yourself needing to build a new support system from scratch.


3. Vulnerability feels riskier: Approaching someone new can feel like dating all over again; complete with the fear of rejection, awkward small talk, and ghosting. Vulnerability takes courage, and for adults who have been hurt or burned in the past, putting themselves out there can be a daunting leap.


4. The myth of “I should already have friends”: Society often tells us that by our 30s, we should have an established friend group. This false narrative can create shame and isolation, making it even harder to admit that we’re lonely or crave connection.

African ladies embracing each other


How to Make Adult Friends (Without Feeling Like a Weirdo)


Making new friends in adulthood doesn’t require magic. You simply need a mindset shift, a dash of boldness, and some intentional actions. Here’s how you can build meaningful adult friendships, even if it feels awkward at first:


1. Start where you are: Look around your current life: coworkers, neighbours, or even acquaintances from your gym. Chances are, some of them are also open to deeper connection. Initiate a conversation, invite someone to lunch, or just say yes to that happy hour.


2. Reconnect with old connections: You don’t always need to start from scratch. Reaching out to an old friend from uni, former coworker, or even a secondary school classmate can be a low-pressure way to rekindle a bond that’s already familiar.

Young men laughing


3. Use technology mindfully: Various social apps, including Facebook groups, can help you find like-minded people in your area. Whether you’re into book clubs, sip and paint, or plant parenting, there’s a digital space full of potential friends waiting for you.


4. Embrace the awkward: Let’s normalize the fact that making friends as an adult can be uncomfortable at first. That’s okay. Lean into the weirdness, be authentic, and remember that everyone’s craving connection, even if they don’t say it out loud.


5. Be consistent and patient: Friendship is built over time, not a single hangout. Keep showing up, even when your inner critic says, “They probably don’t like me.” Trust that consistency (checking in, inviting them out, sharing small moments) matters more than instant chemistry.

Young ladies hanging out


Why It’s Worth It


In a world of curated feeds and digital noise, real connection is priceless. Adult friendships can offer deep emotional support, shared experiences, and a sense of community that combats loneliness. They remind us that we’re not alone in our struggles, our wins, or our weird sense of humour.

Making adult friendships might be hard, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying. In fact, the very effort you put into building these relationships makes them even more meaningful.

The truth is, adult friendships don’t just happen. They’re built, choice by choice. You won’t click with everyone, and not every lunch date will lead to a lifelong bond. But every time you reach out, open up, or simply show up, you’re planting the seeds of real, lasting connection.

So go ahead; text that acquaintance, RSVP to that meetup, or smile at your neighbour. Your next great friendship might be just one awkward hello away.

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