Ladies Only: 6 Things You Should Never Do To Keep a Man

 

There’s a certain kind of advice women often hear when it comes to relationships: “Do whatever it takes to keep your man.” Some of us even grew up listening to aunties, elders, or well-meaning friends preach this like gospel.

The problem? That “whatever it takes” sometimes becomes too much, too toxic, and too dangerous to your peace of mind.

The truth is simple: love should never cost you your dignity, health, or happiness. And no matter what society whispers in your ear, you don’t need to lose yourself just to keep a man by your side.

So, let’s talk about six things you should never do, no matter how much you want the relationship to work.

1. Don’t Shrink Yourself: Many women dim their light so their partner won’t feel insecure. Maybe you stop celebrating your achievements because you don’t want him to think you’re “showing off.” Or you abandon your goals because he doesn’t see the point in them.

Here’s the thing: if you have to shrink to fit into someone’s life, it means they don’t have enough space for you as you are. The right partner should clap for you when you win, push you when you stall, and still love you when you fail. Never ever apologize for your brilliance.

2. Don’t Tolerate Disrespect: Respect is non-negotiable. Sometimes, people excuse bad behaviour because they think it’s “normal” for men to talk down, cheat, or disregard their partner. You hear phrases like, “That’s just how men are, endure it.”

Sis, no. Disrespect is not love. If he constantly embarrasses you, belittles you, or makes you feel less than, that’s not something you should swallow in silence. A relationship without respect is like soup without salt; it may fill you, but you won’t enjoy it.

3. Don’t Lose Your Friendships and Support System: How many times have you heard women say, “I don’t talk to my friends anymore because he doesn’t like them”? Or, “My family barely hears from me now that I’m with him.” It’s one of the easiest traps to fall into.

Cutting off your support system makes you vulnerable. If things go wrong, who will you run to? A man who truly cares about you won’t isolate you from your friends and family. He’ll respect the people who love you and encourage you to nurture those bonds.

4. Don’t Endure Violence in Any Form: This should go without saying, but sadly it doesn’t. Too many women stay in relationships where abuse (physical, emotional, or even financial) is present, thinking patience will “change him.” Others are told to pray harder, cook better, or keep silent.

Unfortunately, violence only escalates and enduring it doesn’t make you a strong woman, it makes you a wounded one. If he lays a hand on you, insults you constantly, or controls you with money, that’s not love. That’s danger, and you deserve safety, not scars.

5. Don’t Make Marriage or Babies a Bargaining Chip: Some women are pressured into believing their ultimate value lies in how quickly they can marry or how fast they produce children. So they endure toxic behaviour just to keep the relationship alive long enough for a ring or a baby.

Sis, marriage is not a prize for suffering, and children are not glue for broken relationships. If he wants to marry you, it should be because he loves and respects you, not because you begged, threatened, or compromised your happiness.

6. Don’t Abandon Your Faith, Values, or Identity: One of the most heart-breaking things women do is silence their own beliefs and values just to please a man. Maybe you once swore you’d never date someone who drinks excessively, cheats, or disrespects women, but now you turn a blind eye, convincing yourself that “nobody’s perfect.”

Or perhaps you’ve abandoned your dreams, your hobbies, or even your faith, all in the name of keeping him. But if keeping a man means losing yourself, then what exactly do you have left?

Here’s the truth, you don’t have to twist yourself into painful shapes to be loved. Real love doesn’t demand that you to give up your identity, peace, or dignity. It celebrates you, honours you, and makes you feel safe.

So next time someone tells you to “do whatever it takes to keep your man,” please remember that keeping a man is not the prize. Keeping yourself is.

Lets continue this conversation in the comment section. Have you ever found yourself compromising too much in a relationship? What did you learn from that experience? Share your thoughts below. It might just inspire another woman reading this today.